Dear Diary - Crossroads

The following contains excerpts from an old diary I wrote when I was 18. Although the stories in this series are true, I hereby claim no responsibility for the maturity of the material written during that time.

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When last we heard from young Jeffrey, he was pining over the love of a forbidden woman. Oh the angst. Oh the heartbreak. Oh the hormones!

We now catch up with Jeffrey just 2 months later, fragile after having his heart ripped from his chest and squashed like a cockroach in the kitchen.

Let's read now as he slowly and cautiously dips his toes into the fresh waters of new romance.

The Casablanca amazes me more every time I play there - the crowd is so huge, and it's so packed & friendly and fun to play at and sooo many beautiful girls. Fri night I met Kim - Sue D*** from M***'s cabin's friend - and she is it - the girl I want to marry. That's pretty heavy but it's the first impression I got. I mean she's the absolute girl of my dreams and I am going to try to take her out. She's a filthy rich girl from the East End - at least her parents are but She's the best - Long brown sexy hair with big brown eyes - and a perfect figure - right out of Playboy. I could totally fall in love with her forever I think - we'll see. click image to engorge

See what I mean? Vulnerable, yet horny. Selective, yet blind. Cautious, yet stupid.

This is the profile of a complex, yet confused young man.

Take this passage from the very next page for example. After not even one full year of college he is already facing another major life decision... whether he should continue his studies as a piano performance major, or abandon everything and head out on the road instead.

Here's how that played out:

I'm on Spring break. Somehow I don't think I want to go back Spring quarter and I don't think Mom or Dad will like it but I do think I won't go back - this year anyhow. It's not only impossible - it's dumb to go back. I would be wasting my money, classes and education for nothing - I can go later when I can devote more time to my classes and what I want to learn. click image to hear me now and believe me later

Remarkably, Jeffrey made the right decision. After seven years on the road he met his beautiful wife in St. Louis, got married and eventually went back to college where he achieved a 4.0 GPA and graduated as Student of the Year. Following that he became a successful computer programmer and has since led a happy and productive life.

Jeffrey is currently a highly acclaimed blogger living in St. Cloud, MN where he enjoys performing with The Receders, building things out of 2x4s and making fun of himself.

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Fall in love all over again at humor-blogs.com!

Dear Diary - The Story of Christine

The following contains excerpts from an old diary I wrote when I was 18. Although the stories in this series are true, I hereby claim no responsibility for the maturity of the material written during that time.

If you've been following my Dear Diary series, you'll remember that when last we met, I ended with a passage that proclaimed my love for some girl named Christine.

...The first thing is "old cupid" has struck me down. Her name is Christine and she's wonderful...

Now, I've written some pretty embarrassing things about myself on this blog over the last 2 1/2 years, but I think I ought to tell you... this entry makes me want to change my name and enlist in witness protection until this cloud of shame blows over.

It's not that what I wrote is so embarrassing in terms of the words themselves, but more in terms of how incredibly ignorant I was for an 18 year old. After reading this, I consider it a miracle I ever advanced to the stage of actually dating women, let alone marriage and procreation.

Anyway, here is the entry of when I met Christine. But because it's too painful to simply publish as it was written, I'll need to hide behind some smart-assed commentary as well. You'll find that in red.

Enjoy.

... lucky me. The first thing is “old cupid” has struck me down. Her name is Christine and she’s wonderful. She started working at Cloud 9 last Fri and naturally I wanted to help her out and get to know her. click image to display remainder of story So later on we talked and BS’d about Cloud 9 and when we did we both noticed it. (the happy dance in my pants) It seems like love at first sight but it’s more than that. We talked so freely and listened so intently to each other it was great. On the same wavelength, we talked a little about Sleeper and I told her she could buy a tee-shirt for a couple of bucks (smooth, charge her for a gift... women love that) and she was thrilled. I said she’d have to be a fan of ours if she wore it (wet) and she insisted she wouldn’t miss a gig. Then her boyfriend (I heard engaged but I’m not sure (don't care) yet) came and picked her up. It was ok though – we liked each other (uh... me and the girl, not the boyfriend) - that’s what really counted. But – Today – I went to work and saw her in the window – waving and she said “I missed you”, oh, she said “hi” before that. No Shit. I couldn’t believe it. She’s sooo nice (gee Wally, shucks). I gave her the shirt and she soaked it up – I told her it was “on me” (but was thinking "off her") and she loved it. Then this – “Jeff, I hope I’m not being too forward but if you’d like to go out and have a drink sometime just give me a call.” (schwing!) And she gave me her number, and address – this was in case I was ever in the neighborhood (doing my paper route) I could stop in – “I have some alcohol or something too (really? she thought that was necessary to seal the deal?) – a nice warm fire” – I love it – I think I’m in love. (note to self: must start picking out baby names now) But once again – woe is me – I don’t even know why I’m writing this because in a few weeks it’ll probably be all over with anyhow. (enter mr. self esteem) 1st – I can’t figure out why she’s coming on so strong when she’s got a steady lover (or whatever he is) (transportation?) . And second, (the story of my life) – She’s 2 years older than me. (God. No!) I don’t have any idea why but when she asked, I told her I was 20. (because you're an idiot?) Now when I call her on Sun, I’ll have to tell her I’m only 18. What a drag – why can’t I be 20? (or at least 18 1/2) It happens all the time – I fall in love with beautiful girls (in the magazines) 2 or 3 years older than me who all are going to get married. All with the best possible personalities you can imagine (read... willing to talk to me) – and I end up dry every time. Well, not every time. (insert your own joke here) I hope it works out for us – I don’t want her to end anything serious with her boyfriend either just because of me. (*snort* oh please) What if we don’t work out (ya think?) – I don’t know, I’ll have to talk to her about it. But I still Love It!

So there you have it. My confession of undying eternal love for a woman I have... uh - no recollection of today. It's so hard to believe she wasn't the "one." Damn - and we were SO meant for each other!

One thing you may find hard to believe though... as of the time of this journal entry, I had not yet even made it to 2nd base with a girl. Or is it 3rd base? Or right field? How the hell would I know, I never even played baseball.

And how is this possible for an 18 year old you ask?

What, you didn't read the entry above? Hello!

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I heard Christine is waiting for you with a warm fire and some alcohol at humor-blogs.com

Dear Diary

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Last month I wrote this post after finding an old journal I had kept as an 18 year old.

And, since so many people requested that I reveal more indiscretions of my youth, I've decided to feature a new entry every month for the next several months.

From what I've read so far, this journal is chock full of embarrassingly naive and humorous "coming of age" revelations... perfect material for all of you.

But this particular day, however, wasn't quite so funny - and instead features a scared young man-boy facing the reality of having to go to war for the first time. In fact, the only thing funny about this entry is how much hasn't changed in the last 28 years.

You be the judge.

Jan 23, 1980 Well, lots of things are going on again right now. Something is starting to scare me more and more each day. It's the world. Right now Russia is attacking Aphganistan (sic) which means the U.S. will try to stop them which could mean war. Pres. Carter tonight said that eligible people will have to register for the draft. Which in turn means me! And, I don't like it! It's so stupid anyhow. The headlines in the paper the other day made sense. It read: "Should Carter dare order Americans to die?" It's true too. Let's face it - people are going to die if there's a war and I don't want to be one of them. I've got too much to look forward to and too much going for myself to even waste 4 years fighting. If I don't get killed doing it. But! this is my solution - I won't go. That's it. (click to enlarge) I'm trying not to let this bother me even though it's mentioned every hour on the radio and every night on National News. It's really a shame people have to be so greedy and so stupid. Let's face it - I hate Brezhnev even though I've never hated anyone before. He's a jerk. He's causing world crisis for his own greedy benefit.

It's weird, I remember being concerned about having to register for the draft, but I don't remember writing this - especially the part about draft dodging. But I guess when you only live a few hours from the Canadian border, this option makes perfect sense.

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Coming up next month, more of what you really came here for:

...The first thing is "old cupid" has struck me down. Her name is Christine and she's wonderful...

I think you'll want to stop by for that one for sure.

m-m-m-MY Sharona

The other day I stumbled on this old journal I wrote when I was between 18 and 20 years old.


Apparently I was destined from the very beginning to become a blogger, as is evident from this opening paragraph:

Dec 25, 1979 (18) It’s really strange, just thinking about what’s going to happen in the next couple of years. Right now is when it’s all going to start too. I say this as I look at the “Sleeper” posters all around my room, as I lay on my waterbed. I decided I had to start this, I have to keep the memories of the past and future. It’s really important to me. So much has already happened that at once was really important that I’ll probably never remember. So from now on - Christmas Day of the last few days of the ‘70’s – I am going to preserve the life of me – and eventually my family in writing, pictures or whatever.

And what do fledgling rock stars write about? Why, their first bands of course.

Only four days ago – Fri, Dec 21, I played my first “professional” gig with Sleeper – my 1st pro of the 4 groups I’ve been with. Boy it was great too. I can’t really say this is the first professional band I’ve been in in terms of getting paid, because I have been paid for playing with a group before, but it is pro because of the way we’ve got our act together and also the money too.

But enough about all that. What we really want to know is... how was the action?

I’ve been with these guys for about a month now and just last Fri (Dec 21) we did our first gig. We played Northwestern High School in Mapel (sic) Wisc. And it was excellent. We couldn’t have asked for a better show. We know 20 songs and played for 3 hours, repeating 4 or 5 songs to stretch it. But after the 3rd song, “My Sharona” they filled the dance floor and didn’t leave it till we were through. We sounded great too. After it was over a group of 3 chicks came over to where I was standing and one of them had some mistletoe. So she had one of the others put it over us and she kissed like a 30 year old whore. But it was nice though and did a lot for my ego. I loved it. After getting to know these guys I decided this is going to be one hell of a group.

And these excerpts were from just the first 3 of 100 pages!

Unfortunately my mom reads this blog, so there's only so much I can reveal. But I'm guessing the first thing she's wondering right now is...

How the the hell did he know about 30 year old whores!!?

Get the Knack at humor-blogs.com