Mr. Know-It-All

Hi Everybody!

It's been a while since we last consulted Mr. Know-It-All on your very important inquiries. And since we have quite a few questions to answer this month, let's get started right away!

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do people who play their music loudly in cars so the entire street can hear them, always have such bad taste in music?
- Dan

Dear Dan,
Because, anyone who is ignorant enough to blast their music that loudly in the first place is also too ignorant to realize that they are listening to crap.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
So, who DID shoot the deputy?
- Heather

Dear Heather,
This is a common point of confusion. The fact is, nobody shot the deputy. The song is simply saying that he shot the sheriff, but he didn't shoot the deputy... or the bailiff... or anybody else for that matter. Oswald attempted a similar tactic when he proclaimed that he didn't shoot Lyndon B. Johnson.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do my dogs have to smell a dozen places before they finally go to the bathroom? What are they looking for and why are they so picky??
- Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,
Easy... dogs, like boys and men as well, are simply looking for a new place to pee that hasn't been peed on already. Incidentally, we do the smell thing too - but only when the door is closed. We do have our dignity you know.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do I have a bunch of Tupperware lids that don't match any of the containers? Is it just that I'm weird, or is there something else going on here?
- Theresa

Dear Theresa,
Good catch! You're wise to suspect something here. Here's what's going on:
In an effort to create more product demand, Tupperware consultants are now undergoing secret ninja training which teaches them how to break into your house undetected - at which point they swap out your lids with unmatched ones. They then invite you to their parties knowing full well you need more stuff, at which time they guilt you into hosting your own party against your will. It's all part of the Tupper-ninja training.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
What is the Hokey Pokey all about? Bonus question: Where's Waldo?
- Gale

Dear Gale,
This was a tough one so I consulted the American Heritage Dictionary on both Hokey and Pokey. Here's what it said:

hok·ey (hō'kē)
adj. hok·i·er, hok·i·est Slang
1. Mawkishly sentimental; corny.
2. Noticeably contrived; artificial.

po·key 1 also po·ky (pō'kē)
n. pl. po·keys also po·kies Slang
A jail or prison.

Therefore, if you put them both together and you turn yourself around, you get - a mawkishly sentimental prison - which ironically is where Waldo is as well.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why does the rain fall from up above?
- Mooselet

Dear Mooselet,
No wonder you don't know this - you're from Australia. Rain only falls from up above north of the equator. I understand why you're confused about this.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
What is my name? Do I have a boyfriend if so what is his name?
- Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I'm sorry about your amnesia. Unfortunately you used to have a boyfriend - until you bumped your head and forgot who you were - at which point he withdrew all your savings and moved to Bermuda with your sister.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
I'm still kinda in love with my ex boyfriend and he has a new girlfriend. What do I do?
- Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,
Please, I understand you have short-term memory loss, but I just finished explaining this. It's over, move on.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do people in my dorm go out into the hall for cell phone privacy? That seems a little backwards to me.
- Dashofpanache

Dear Dashofpanache,
People only do that when they want to say horribly mean things about their roommates and don't want to hurt...

Umm, I mean I have no idea. Well then, seems like you stumped me on this one!

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Who decides what professions need to be tipped? Should I have tipped the woman who gave me a mammogram the other day? How much? What's the proper amount for a good boob smash?
- Mom Thumb

Dear Mom Thumb,
That depends on whether the smasher has gone above and beyond the call of duty. Did she refill your beverage without you having to ask? Did she not make you hang your butt out the back of a non-closing paper gown? But most importantly, did she deliver the smash within 30 minutes? Because if she didn't, the next one is free you know.

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Phew! Once again it appears Mr. Know-It-All has answered all your questions - at least for now. Therefore, it's time to leave some new questions for next time.

What would YOU like to ask Mr. Know-It-All?

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Humor-blogs.com knows everything about making you laugh!

Mr. Know-It-All

Ahh, it's finally time to get on with the serious business of being silly.
It's hard to believe that November was the last time Mr. Know-It-All was here. I must say I'm most impressed with the patience you've shown by waiting this long. You deserve better service than this my friends and I promise to bring Mr. KIA back sooner next time... provided he has more questions to answer that is.

That being said, let's get started with your questions, shall we?

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How come I have a gazillion Tupperware containers, but not one lid to them. Why can't those container companies come up with a container with the lid ATTACHED? Should I send that idea to them or come up with my own patent and make a gazillion dollars and retire rich?
- Waya

Dear Waya,
Believe it or not, you're not losing your lids... or your mind. The reason you can't find them is actually by design and until now, has been a closely guarded secret by the Tupperware corporation itself. What you, and the rest of the fresh-burping community don't know, is that the lids are actually made from a special chemical compound that dissolves into an undetectable pile of fine dust after approximately 6 months - but only inside a darkened cupboard. You think your lid has been misplaced when in actuality it has evaporated. This in turn leaves you with a useless Tupperware bowl that is impossible to cover with Saran Wrap or anything other than another Tupperware lid, which of course is not for sale independently.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
- Brandon

Dear Brandon,
If you had asked this question a year ago I might have been able to answer it. But last June, the UWU (United Woodchucker's Union) went on strike over issues of unfair chucking practices and held out for lower piece rate incentive targets, higher commissions and a more inclusive dental plan. Union and management are still miles apart on these issues and there is no foreseeable end to the strike in sight.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My 15 year old daughter just started high school. Her new BFF (Best Friend Forever) is Crowe. Crowe, according to my daughter, is a lesbian hermaphrodite. Crowe was polite, well spoken and respectful when she visited my home. My question: What do I do now?
- One Tall Mamma

Dear Mamma,
I completely understand your concern. I too would be nervous if my daughter was hanging around with someone named Crowe (what kind of parents name their kid Crowe?) And I would be especially suspicious of any teenager who acts polite and respectful. This is completely unnatural and most likely a cover up of some seriously suspect behavior.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
I saw birds sleeping while standing on a wire. Is that contrary to the law of gravity?
- Bill

Dear Bill,
No, I don't find it unusual that a bird can sleep while standing up. I sleep every week while sitting up in church and I don't fall over. What I do find unusual though is that you can sleep without sucking all the oxygen out of the room, you know, with the vacuum you create from your massive snoring.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Just what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow, and could he carry a coconut if he gripped it by the husk?
- Love, Mooselet

Dear Mooselet,
It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple matter of weight ratios. A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. You have to know these things when your Mr. Know-It-All you know.

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Well then, it appears Mr. Know-It-All has answered all your questions - at least for now. Therefore, it's time to leave some new questions for next month.

What would YOU like to ask Mr. Know-It-All?

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p.s. Skip on over to Central Snark today to see what my good friend lil' g had to say about none other than lil' old ME!. Thanks lil' g - you're the best!

Humor-blogs.com knows everything about making you laugh!

Mr. Know-It-All

As I was preparing this month's answers for Mr. Know-It-All, I suddenly remembered yet another malaprop someone once blurted out to me...

"Oh, quit being such a Mr. Show-it-all!"

Apparently she didn't get the chance to read number 5 from these two posts.

ANYWAY... it's halfway through November already so I'd better get crackin if I'm going to answer your questions from last month. And so I give you another installment from your favorite answer man - Mr. Know-It-All!

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
If Jack was nimble and Jack was quick, why was he wasting his time jumping over a candlestick? I mean why wasn't he out running marathons or in the Olympics?
- Halfmexican Mama

Dear Mama,
It's a little known fact that Jack was a sociopath who was terrified of being seen as boring, or even worse - dull. Therefore, he lived his entire life trying to live down the popular perception that "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" by playing stupid games such as "see who can jump over the candlestick without burning your crotch" instead of training for marathons or the Olympics - of which he considered to be work.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish, but why?
- Deborah

Dear Deborah,
This is an excellent question. Most people think Dr. Suess was a children's author who only wrote nonsensical verse, when in fact Theodor Suess Geisel was actually a secret agent for the CIA. This seemingly innocuous rhyme about red and blue fish was in reality a coded message that disclosed the identities and whereabouts of various communist operatives who were embedded within our own government. This particular book contains a wealth of valuable covert information that only the most skilled decoding experts were able to decipher. Take this passage for example:

"...Some have two feet and some have four.Some have six feet and some have more.
Where do they come from? I can't say.But I bet they have come a long, long way."

Here we see Geisel identifying various teams of foreign double-agents consisting of up to 3 or more members. This is why it's a good idea not to judge a book by its cover.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Now, tell me how to nicely tell people to quit sending me email that I have to send to 25 of my dearest friends in order to get a blessing, and that requires me to email it back to the person who sent it to me so they know without a shadow of a doubt that I sent it on.
- JD

Dear JD,
This is indeed a quandary. You don't want to hurt your friend's feelings but at the same time you don't want to keep receiving her tons of crap-mail. You basically have 2 options here.
1. Change your email address. This is a pain because you have to notify everyone of your change, and your friend will eventually find out your new address again anyway. Besides, why should you have to go through all that work just because she decides to blast spam all over the internet?
2. Fight back. That's right. Start sending her every piece of internet garbage that exists about 50 times a day for 2 weeks. Hopefully she'll get the message. Oh, and if you need help finding this much material just let me know. I've got plenty to spare.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Cats; happy little bundles of love or evil incarnate wrapped in fur?
- Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,
Unfortunately I have a strong anti-cat stance due to an incident regarding an old girlfriend. I once dated a woman for several days before I ever stepped foot into her apartment. However, not once before I stopped by did she ever inform me that she was the proud keeper of 15 cats. When I stepped inside the stench was so horrible I nearly vomited on my shoes. It was in fact SO bad that it actually caused me to quit seeing her.

I know, don't blame the kitties. But still.
*urp*

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Maybe you can help me answer a question that I've been struggling with:
What happens when an irresistible force meets an impenetrable barrier?
Thanks for your help!
- Jennine

Dear Jennine,
Regarding the forces: Well, you're right... some of those little buggers can be pretty stubborn little forces indeed!

Regarding the barriers: Unfortunately, even though the package does say they're supposed to provide protection - it does NOT say anything about them being impenetrable.

Anyway, to answer your question as to what happens when they meet? Well, I think you know the answer to this one.

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Don't see your question here? Not to worry, Mr. Know-It-All is answering your questions in the order they were received, so stay tuned because yours is coming up soon!

What would you like to ask Mr. Know-It-All?

Mr. Know-It-All

Well, it's October - and that can only mean one thing... it's time for another installment of your favorite answer man - Mr. Know-It-All!

This is a big one, so let's get started right away, shall we?

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My son stuck a gummy worm up his nose.
- One Tall Momma

Dear Momma,
Since it's not clear whether this is a question or a statement of pride, I'll go with the former and recommend a solution. Because worms are naturally shaped to tunnel themselves through small openings (such as sinus cavities), I propose that instead of trying to remove the worm from his nose, you should instead encourage him to finish what he started. One good inhale should get the process started and nasal mucus will naturally lubricate the pliable annelid so the remainder of the trip should be relatively quick and painless. And in the end, your son will have acquired a valuable new skill that he can later use to impress women at college parties.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Now that you have an updated bike, are you going to have to change your biker waves?
- Linda

Dear Linda,
Fortunately no. The biker waves I made fun of wrote about here are timeless and have been around since the days of the Roman chariots. However, instead of lifting your left hand off the handlebar of your motorcycle to flash a peace sign, those riders would instead lift their swords off their hips to slice off your head. Same concept, slightly different message.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How do you get a Sam's club card if you don't already have a club card to get into Sam's Club to get one?
- Brandon

Dear Brandon,
Good question Brandon, I can tell you employ a keen logical thought process. As you know, this phenomenon is known as a continuous loop - which can only be broken by entering another dimension. Unfortunately, Sam's Club does not have a door to another dimension because they're impossible to open. However if you're clever, you can sometimes fake out the woman who is checking club memberships at the front door by pointing to her left and yelling, "Hey - that guy took two chicken nugget samples!" Then, while she's distracted you can quickly run over to the "New Members" window and overpay them for a membership.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why is it that every time I start to read your Mr. Know-It-All column that I hear Rocky Squirrel talking? Is it a gift?
- Gale

Dear Gale,
Yes Gale, you have "the gift." And, you should welcome the little squirrel voice in your head because one day it will become your only closest friend.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My name is Mia Krackasaur and I would like to know why it is that I have to use baby wipes to keep my bottom fresh after a BM?
- M. Krackasaur

Dear M. Krackasaur,
One can only assume (heh, I said "ass" ume) that the reason you have a "crack-a-sore" for a bottom in the first place is because you are buying your toilet paper from the Home Depot. So I would recommend you treat the problem rather than the symptom. Of course the definition of what you consider "fresh" should be left up to you. And only you. Please.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
If no one cares, why does Jimmy crack corn? That's always bothered me.
- Mooselet

Dear Mooselet,
The song is actually about a slave owner who died when his horse threw him after being bitten by a blue-tail fly. Jimmy (the slave) is singing this in third person about himself, in contempt of his master - and saying he doesn't even mind crackin' corn now that his master has gone away. Now, hopefully you can let this one go and worry about bigger things.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do the people shout "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" quieter and quieter? What are the odds of 2 men being named that?
- Heather

Dear Heather,
I'll take these in reverse order...
1. Actually, there is a remote village in Hungary called Schmidtvilla where every single person has a last name of Schmidt, and John Jacob Jingleheimer is a very common name. His cousin Dan David Dingleberry Schmidt has the same problem.
2. You have to sing it quieter and quieter so the people around you don't eventually punch you in the face.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Where's Waldo?
- Neva

Dear Neva,
Last I heard, Waldo was serving time in jail for trespassing, loitering and violating a public nuisance ordinance. I understand inmates are now asking the same question.

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Don't see your question here? Not to worry, Mr. Know-It-All is answering your questions in the order they were received, so stay tuned because yours is coming up soon!

What would you like to ask Mr. Know-It-All?

Mr. Know-It-All

Well whatta ya know. Here it is September already and time for another installment of your favorite answer man - Mr. Know-It-All!

Let's get started right away with a question from the lovely Mrs. Dayta of Seattle, WA.

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why did you pick an acronym that also stands for Killed In Action? Secondly, and more importantly, what do you recommend to back up my back up jump drive?
- Sincerely, Mrs. Lotta Dayta

Dear Mrs. Dayta,
First of all, I would never pick an acronym. Don't you know that if you pick it, it will never heal? Besides, the acronym for Mr. "Found Under Common Knowledge" wasn't appropriate for this blog.

Secondly... you should copy all the data from your back up jump drive to several 3 1/2" floppy diskettes. Then mail those diskettes to 1990 and insert them into your 80286 CPU. You will never be able to get to your data again, but at least it will be safe.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
How can I convince the ranks of potty trained children in my home that you DO NOT have to use half a roll of toilet paper at one sitting or that you CAN use half a roll IF you use a few sheets at a time with a flush in between?
- Sincerely, Overflowing in Offspring

Dear Overflowing,
Forget toilet paper, that's SO non-European. Anyone who's anyone knows that bidets are the way to go these days. They're stylish, sanitary AND multi-functional. For example, besides taking care of your "bottom business" they can also serve as:






a bathtub for your toddler








a water supply for your pet. And MOST importantly...








a convenient cooler for your beer!

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
- B.M. Lee

Dear B.M. Lee,
This question reminds me of the old Sears catalog that featured 3 versions of the same item at different price breaks. Remember? They would offer 3 guitars for example with the following descriptions:

Our good guitar - $29.95
Our better guitar - $99.95
Our best guitar - $179.95

Well, if you haven't figured out where I'm going with your question by now, I'm simply suggesting that you would take your claim against the Better Business Bureau to the Best Business Bureau. That's what they're there for.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why do birds suddenly appear? Why do fools fall in love? Why do fools vote as they do?
- Julie

Dear Julie,
Well, lookit here, a Mr. KIA trifecta! I'll take them one at a time...
1. Because you didn't listen to the warnings at Woodstock. They made it VERY clear to stay away from the brown acid for a reason. Click here if you don't believe me.
2. I actually can't answer this because every time I attempt to repeat the question to myself I get distracted with the other more important question... Why do birds sing so gay? And that question will have to get in line for the next edition of Mr. KIA. Sorry.
3. Actually, the only fools are the ones who DON'T vote.

(paid for by the committee to get-off-your-ass-and-make-a-difference)

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Don't see your question here? Not to worry, Mr. Know-It-All is answering your questions in the order they were received, so stay tuned because yours is coming up soon!

What would you like to ask Mr. Know-It-All?

Mr. Know-It-All

Well then, it's time for another installment of Mr. Know-It-All. And this time, with the answers to YOUR questions!

Let's get started shall we?




Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why is it that when I wear sandals my feet still stink?
- Whit

Dear Whit,
You've got it all backwards my friend - the sandals are only letting the stink OUT! If you want to keep people from smelling your rancid dogs, you're gonna need to first wrap them in plastic bread bags, seal the top around your legs with duct tape, cover those with knee-high cotton socks, and THEN wear a pair of kickerinos over those. However, just make sure you're the only one around when you take all that shit off later on.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
What can be done when the Commander In Chief of the world's largest army, possesses all the intellect of a poo flinging monkey?
- Rick

Dear Rick,
Funny you should ask that. The ironic thing is, in lieu of the fact that nothing else has worked for them in Iraq, the White House has been considering "poo flinging" as their latest strategy. In fact, NPR reported this quote from President Bush just yesterday:
"As we speak, Iraqi soldiers are being trained to 'drop, squat and hurl.' I believe the al-Qaeda won't know what hit 'em. Until they smell it that is."

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why is it that the more sure you are that your kids will like a meal, the more likely it is that they will refuse to eat any of it?
- Heather

Dear Heather,
Not unlike Whit, you seem to have it backwards as well. The trick to getting your kids to eat all of their food, is to feed them only what they want. Stop trying to fight it, you're never gonna win. In fact, try feeding them corn dogs and cotton candy for dinner tonight and just watch as they eat every last bite. It's not as hard as you think.

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Why is the plural of 'moose' not 'meese', nor 'mooses'?
- Mooselet

Dear Mooselet,
That may be the way it is in Australia, but over here we say 'mooses' all the time. It's even used in respected works of literature. Has it really been that long since you've been gone?

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Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
Should I be concerned that my 9 year old son just covered his entire face with little pink post it notes? Help!
- Lost in Maine (aka One Tall Momma)

Dear Lost in Maine,
No. At this age, he is just "experimenting" and should be simply left alone to work through it. If you make too big of a deal over it, he will become confused and start to think that he is different from all the other boys. This will only lead to further exploration and experimentation and could result in the application of even larger and more florescent-colored notes.

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Don't see your question here? Not to worry, I received many excellent queries the last time I ran this feature and Mr. Know-It-All is answering your questions in chronological order. So stay tuned because yours is coming up soon!

In the meantime, go ahead and post your questions for Mr. Know-It-All. You'll be glad you did.

Possibly.

Mr. Know-It-All

And now, Mr. Know-It-All will answer the first of several questions he has received in his mailbox.

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My parents keep hounding me about going to college. My dad went to college but he never finished - and now he's a successful business owner. If college didn't do anything for my dad, why should I have to go?
-Don't Wanna Go


Dear DWG:

First of all, as the father of two high school teenagers, the oldest being only 776 days, 15 hours, 3 minutes and 24 seconds from starting college, I can only say YES - you must go! In fact, go as soon as it is possible and go for a long time. And don't come back.

But then that doesn't answer your question now, does it?

The truth is, your father DID benefit from going to college - and you will too. In fact, the reason he is successful today is because of the time he spent away at college. Now, notice I didn't say he is successful because he graduated from college, only that he was successful because he went to college. There's a big difference.


Oh sure, they've created huge institutions with professors and schedules and big halls with crappy seats, but in reality the classroom experience is no different than high school. It just costs a lot more and the teachers are a lot harder to hear. The formal courses themselves are just an administrative necessity designed to meet government requirements, but the act of going away and living the college experience is where the real learning takes place.

Here are some examples of how college courses really apply to life as a result of your "at college" experience:

Biology - Research how many hours pizza can sit on the counter before it becomes contaminated with botulism. Learn first hand how your body responds to the deadly bacteria.

Home Economics - Experience the longest number of days weeks you can continue wearing the same pair of jeans and teeshirt before your mom has to do your laundry. Or, if mom isn't an option - calculate how many pounds of clothes can fit into a washing machine at the laundromat before it will cease to function.

Finances - Learn about borrowing money. Learn how interest works, or more accurately how interested your friends become when you don't pay them back. Learn the value of discounting during happy hour.

Nutrition - Discover how to subsist solely on carbohydrates and caffeine.

Research Skills - Become an expert at finding important information on the internet such as pre-written essays, thesis papers and book reports.

Physics and Math - Only a college student can cite the transfer rate of 32 ounces of beer through a funnel and down an esophagus.

Medical - Gain critical knowledge on the fastest cure for hangovers. Quickly learn the most effective combinations of nausea suppressants, pain relievers and stimulants.


So you can see my young friend,that it is truly the act of going to college where the real life experiences are gained. You may think you're learning all of these lessons in your classroom, but the reality is you're learning them all on your own AND applying them at the same time. How valuable is that?

So yes, you should go. And as I said earlier, the sooner you go and the longer you stay, the better off you will be.

Got a question for Mr. Know-It-All? Just leave it here or send me an email.

And now, here's something we hope you'll really like

Like most people, I enjoy giving advice. And I'm pretty good at it too. Giving the advice that is.

Don't laugh, not everybody is automatically good at this kind of thing. Oh sure, some people have good advice, they just don't know how to give good advice. When posed with a situation where their advice is warranted, whether solicited or not, they might hem and haw and beat around the bush, being careful not to sound too pushy or pretentious.

And then there's me. I'll give advice to anyone anytime anywhere. Ask me a question and I'll give you an answer, and I'll say it with such authority that you'll have no choice but to believe every word I say.

It's a gift, and I'm proud of it.

Although one of my co-workers has begun to question my author-i-tee lately. Recently, after someone (who me?) in the office turned on the "mouse trails" feature on her computer as a practical joke, I told her I didn't see anything wrong and that she was probably suffering from a rare condition caused from too many hours in front of a monitor called "ocular stutter." Now EVERY time I give her an answer about anything, she automatically squints and fires back a suspicious "Are you giving me crap?" comment.

Geez, one little pile of BS and suddenly I can't be trusted for life.

But, since YOU don't know any better, I thought it would be a great idea to introduce a feature I think we'll really like. ESPECIALLY me.

Not unlike Abby, Ann Landers (you do know they are identical twins - right?) or even Elly herself, I am going to make the foray into the exciting world of ADVICE COLUMN ANSWER GUY!

And just like Ask.com, but better smelling, I will solve all your deepest dilemmas. Whether you're looking for advice on marriage, mechanics or measles, my new feature Mr. Know-It-All will provide a completely accurate fully legitimate answer. As far as you know.

All you have to do is send me your questions either through these comments or my email, and once every few weeks I will publish an informed answer.

For example, later this week I will answer this question posed to me by a distressed high school student.

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
My parents keep hounding me about going to college. My dad went to college but he never finished - and now he's a successful business owner. If college didn't do anything for my dad, why should I have to go?

-Don't Wanna Go

Oh, I can't wait to answer this one!

Stay tuned!

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And now, here to tell you everything about anything is Mr. Know-It-All.
-Rocket J. Squirrel